Have you ever found yourself in such a rage that you felt as if you were completely out of control of this emotion? Has a word, a look or an unexpected behaviour hurt you deeply and turned your day upside down? Modern life is full of speed, pressure and uncertainty. Traffic jams, difficulties at work, disappointments in personal relationships… All of these situations can leave us feeling emotionally on the edge of a cliff.
However, is it possible not to be captive to our emotions at such moments? How can we have an unshakable peace amidst the storms of life? The answer to these questions is hidden in the teachings of the wise philosophers of the ancient world. Stoicism has been teaching people inner peace and emotional balance for more than 2000 years. Stoic thinkers such as Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca managed to achieve unshakable inner peace despite their difficult life circumstances.
In this article, we will explore how you can adapt the teachings of the Stoic philosophers to your modern life. Step by step, we will analyse 7 practical methods for controlling your anger, regaining peace of mind and taking a firm stand against life’s challenges. These methods are not just theoretical; each one offers concrete strategies that you can apply in your daily life. Remember, applying even just one of these methods can make a big change in your life.
- Meet Life with Enthusiasm.
Accept Instead of Resist.
One of the basic principles of Stoicism is to accept life as it is. This doesn’t mean that you have to like or approve of every situation you experience. It just means that you should stop resisting and learn to accept things as they are. When we resist, we come into conflict with the reality of things, and this conflict brings anger and frustration.
Marcus Aurelius says in his Meditations:
‘Accept what fate has bound you to, and love with all your heart those whom fate has brought together.’
This teaching suggests that instead of controlling events, we should go with the flow. How can you apply this thinking in everyday life?
Example 1: Acceptance in Daily Routines.
Let’s say you have a series of boring chores to do during the course of a day: pay the bills, clean the house, or attend a long meeting. Doing these tasks reluctantly turns each step into an internal struggle. However, try to do these tasks with a voluntary mindset. Saying ‘I choose to do this’ instead of ‘I must do this’ can lighten the load.
Example 2: Calmness in Traffic
Being stuck in traffic can be frustrating. However, accept the situation and say to yourself: ‘I can’t change this moment, but I can use this time productively.’ Listen to a podcast, take deep breaths or organise your thoughts.
Epictetus also says about this:
‘Do not wish things to be the way you want them to be. Let them be as they are, and your life will be good.’
This acceptance allows you to adapt to the flow of life and eliminates the anger and stress caused by resistance.
- Give Up Judgement.
The Burden of Judgement.
Judgement is often at the root of anger and frustration. We constantly evaluate others’ behaviour or events, and these evaluations fuel negative emotions. For example, if you immediately interpret a friend being late for an appointment as ‘disrespectful’, your anger will grow. However, if you look at this situation from a different angle, your anger can be replaced by understanding.
Epictetus said:
‘What disturbs people is not the events themselves, but their judgements about them.’
The Power of a Nonjudgemental Approach.
Example 1: Patience at Work.
A colleague is constantly making mistakes and these mistakes are making your work difficult. Instead of labelling her ‘irresponsible’ or ‘incompetent’, consider that perhaps she is under stress or has a personal problem. This perspective reduces your anger and allows you to seek a more constructive solution.
Example 2: Understanding in Family Relationships.
If a family member is constantly making critical comments, instead of taking it personally, recognise that they may have their own internal conflicts. This realisation fosters empathy instead of anger.
Practical Method Judgement Awareness.
Every time a judgemental thought comes, ask these questions:
Is this thought necessary?
Does this thought benefit me?
Could there be a reason behind this person’s behaviour that I don’t know about?
These questions help you question your judgements and develop a more objective perspective.
- Relinquish Control
The Cost of Insisting on Things You Cannot Control
Some things in life are beyond our control. The weather, other people’s opinions, traffic, economic conditions… No matter how hard we try, we cannot change them. However, we can control our reaction to these situations.
Marcus Aurelius said:
‘You have power over your mind, not over external events. When you realise this, you find strength.’
Practical Applications
Make a Checklist
Ask yourself the following questions in the face of an event:
Is this situation in my control?
If it’s not in my control, what can I change instead of wasting my energy?
Letting Go of Control in Daily Life
Are your plans cancelled when it rains? Instead of complaining, see this time as a new opportunity.
Unexpected changes at work? Instead of resisting, think about how you can adapt to this change.
- Embrace Imperfections
The Illusion of Excellence
To expect life to be perfect is to invite inevitable disappointment. People make mistakes, plans go awry, and things don’t always go the way we want them to. But often our reaction to these imperfections is more corrosive than the imperfections themselves. Stoicism preaches accepting imperfections and finding peace in them.
Epictetus said:
‘It is not events that disturb people, but the judgements they make about them.’
The search for perfection is a constant source of frustration because the world is not perfect and never will be. When we accept this fact, it becomes much easier to find inner peace.
Making Peace with Life’s Imperfections.
Example 1: Mistakes in Business.
Let’s say you made a mistake in an important project and the delivery date of the project was postponed as a result of this mistake. Instead of getting angry and blaming yourself or others, see this mistake as a learning opportunity. Asking, ‘What can I learn from this mistake?’ reduces the emotional burden and helps you avoid similar mistakes in the future.
Example 2: Understanding in Personal Relationships.
Your loved ones sometimes make mistakes or disappoint you. Instead of expecting perfection from them, recognise that they are human and mistakes are inevitable. Embracing imperfections makes your relationships stronger and healthier.
The Power of Accepting Imperfections.
Marcus Aurelius said:
‘Remind yourself every morning: ‘Today I will encounter ingratitude, selfishness, betrayal, malice and incomprehension, but none of these things should surprise me because they are part of human nature.’
This perspective reduces disappointments and makes you stronger and more resilient in any situation.
- Take Responsibility for Your Emotions.
The Importance of Managing Your Emotions.
We often believe that the behaviour of others determines our emotions. We get angry when someone is rude to us or upset when someone ignores us. However, according to Stoicism, the responsibility for our emotions lies entirely with us. Even if we cannot control events in the outside world, we can control our reactions to those events.
Marcus Aurelius said:
‘If something bothers you, it is not the thing itself that bothers you, but your thought about it. And it is in your power to change this thought.’
Emotion Management with Examples.
Example 1: Waiting in a queue at the supermarket.
You are waiting in a long queue in a busy supermarket and someone passes in front of you. Your first reaction may be anger. But what will this anger gain you? Instead, see the situation as an opportunity: A chance to practice patience and control your emotions.
Example 2: Receiving Criticism at Work.
When you receive criticism from your boss or a colleague, instead of seeing it as a personal attack, see it as an opportunity for improvement. Accepting criticism and using it constructively gives you more control over your emotions.
Practical Methods.
Observe Your Emotions:
Recognise and name the emotions you feel in response to an event. Describe your feelings by saying ‘I am feeling anger right now’ or ‘This criticism has upset me’. This awareness helps you take control of your emotions.
Pause and Breathe Deeply:
When you feel anger or sadness, instead of reacting immediately, pause and take a few deep breaths. This simple technique clarifies your thoughts and allows you to react in a healthier way.
Keep a Journal:
At the end of each day, review your emotional reactions. Which events affected you? Were your reactions appropriate? This reflection allows you to better understand your emotions.
- Practise Non-Reaction.
The Power of Non-Reaction.
Life is full of unexpected events: Unfair criticism, rude behaviour or setbacks… In such situations it is easy to react immediately. However, these reactions often make the situation worse. Stoicism regards calmness and non-reaction as a virtue.
Seneca said:
‘The best cure for anger is delay.’
Non-Reaction with Examples
Example 1: Discussions
During an argument, the other person says rude words to provoke you. Instead of reacting immediately, try to stay silent for a while. This will both keep you calm and reduce the impact of the other party.
Example 2: Social Media Comments.
Someone made a negative comment about you on social media. Instead of responding to this comment immediately, wait a few hours. During this time, your emotions will calm down and you will be able to give a more rational response.
Practical Methods
Breathe deeply and count:
Count to 10 and breathe deeply before reacting. This short pause will help you calm down.
Expect Negative Situations:
When planning your day, imagine possible negativities. This allows you to be prepared for unexpected situations.
- Embrace Altruism and Forgiveness.
Helping others, forgiving and being altruistic deepens your inner peace. Holding grudges and nurturing anger tires your mind and reduces your happiness.
Marcus Aurelius said:
‘When you wake up in the morning, think what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to love and to help others.’
Practising Altruism
Engage in Voluntary Activities:
Helping others makes you feel happier and more peaceful.
Practise Forgiveness:
Letting go of old resentments lightens your emotional burden.
When you incorporate these seven Stoic principles into your life, inner peace will replace anger and frustration. By practising each step, you can develop a calmer and stronger state of mind.
If this guide was helpful, don’t forget to share your thoughts!
- Embrace Altruism and Forgiveness (Continued)
The Transformative Power of Helping Others
Altruism does not only mean doing good to others; it is actually one of the greatest favours you can do to yourself. When you help others, the negative thoughts in your mind diminish, your heart lightens, and you experience a sense of spiritual fulfilment. This makes you feel like you are living a better, more connected and more meaningful life.
Seneca said:
‘Doing good is not done because we will receive good, but because doing good is inherently good.’
This quote emphasises that altruism is an unconditional virtue and that this virtue is a sufficient reward in itself.
How can you practice altruism in daily life?
Start with Small Gestures:
You can do small but meaningful favours in your daily life. For example, offer unexpected help to a friend, be a listener when an acquaintance is in need, or smile at a stranger. Even these simple acts can have a positive impact on your day and your mood.
Donate Your Time:
You can make a difference in the lives of others by participating in volunteer work. Whether it’s helping an elderly person, volunteering at an animal shelter, or participating in a community project, these activities not only improve the lives of others but also give you a deep sense of fulfilment.
Practise Empathy:
When someone offends or disappoints you, try to understand the situation from their point of view. Perhaps that person may be going through a difficult time in his or her own life. This empathy makes it easier to forgive and lightens your emotional burden.
Don’t Neglect to Say Thank You:
Appreciate the small favours of the people in your life. This not only makes the other person happy, but also increases your sense of gratitude. Gratitude is one of the cornerstones of peace and happiness.
The Contribution of Forgiveness to Inner Peace
Forgiveness frees your mind and heart from heavy burdens. When we don’t forgive, anger, resentment and disappointment build up inside us and negatively affect our lives. But when we forgive, we become free from these emotional chains.
Marcus Aurelius said:
‘If you want to punish a wrongdoer, be like yourself and show him the right way.’
Forgiveness is not weakness, but a great inner strength. When you forgive, you free not only the other person but also yourself.
Ways to Practise Forgiveness
Release the Past:
Constantly remembering old resentments means reliving the pain over and over again. You cannot change what happened in the past, but you can change the way you look at it. Releasing the past is an investment for your future happiness.
Forgive Yourself:
Don’t think that forgiveness is only for others. Sometimes the most difficult thing is to forgive ourselves. Acknowledge your mistakes, learn from them and show compassion to yourself. This increases your inner peace.
Put it in Writing:
Write down your thoughts about a person or event that has hurt you. Express your feelings and then release them by tearing or burning the paper. This physical act can make it easier for you to forgive mentally.
Meditation and Deep Breathing Techniques:
Practice meditations that support forgiveness. By focusing on your breath and mentally visualising the person you want to forgive, you can release negative emotions.
Conclusion: The Journey to Inner Peace and Freedom
With these seven Stoic methods, you can control your anger and develop an unshakable peace of mind in the face of others’ words and behaviour. Accepting life as it is, giving up judgement, letting go of what you cannot control, embracing imperfection, taking responsibility for your feelings, practising non-reaction and embracing altruism will make you a stronger and happier person.
Stoicism is a way of life, not just a philosophy. If you incorporate these teachings into your life in small steps every day, you can experience a great transformation over time.
Steps to Practice: Daily Stoic Practices
Morning Ritual:
Every morning, remind yourself: ‘Today, I will accept whatever life brings, I am in control of my emotions.’
Evening Reflection:
At the end of the day, review your emotional responses. In which situations were you successful? In which situations could you have done better?
Weekly Voluntary Activity:
Plan an activity each week to help others. This deepens your inner peace.
Meditation and Breathwork:
When you feel stressed during the day, calm your mind by doing a short meditation or breathing exercise.
Continuation of the Journey to Inner Peace in Stoic Philosophy
As you incorporate Stoic principles into your life, you will better manage your emotions and become more resilient to life’s challenges. But this journey is not a one-time endeavour, it is a continuous practice. Now let’s go deeper into these seven principles of Stoicism and explore ways to integrate them into your life.
- Improve Mental Stamina
Importance of Mental Strength
One of the most powerful concepts underlying Stoicism is mental resilience. Mental resilience is your ability to stand up and keep moving forward, no matter what challenges you face. Developing this resilience keeps you strong and calm against the storms of life.
Epictetus said:
‘Focus not on the things that happen to you, but on your reaction to them. Herein lies your true strength.’
How Can You Develop Mental Toughness?
See Challenges as Exercises:
Every challenge is an opportunity to increase your mental strength. If a work project is more complex than you expected or a personal relationship has become difficult, see it as an exercise. Every challenge helps you build a more resilient mindset.
Respond Consciously to Small Discomforts:
Pay attention to the small inconveniences you encounter in daily life: unexpected delays, weather conditions, heavy traffic. Consciously choose to remain calm in these moments and remember that these disturbances build your mental resilience.
Practice ‘Premeditatio Malorum’:
Premeditatio malorum (premeditating bad events), a technique often practised by the Stoics, allows you to prepare for potential difficulties by visualising them in your mind. For example, imagine that you may experience a traffic jam on your way to work in the morning and plan how you will react calmly to this situation.
- Live in the Moment with Death Awareness (Memento Mori)
Accepting the Transience of Life
‘Memento Mori’, that is, “Remember death”, is a concept frequently emphasised by the Stoics. This concept reminds us that life is short and temporary, allowing us to live the moment more consciously and to the fullest. Awareness of death minimises the trivial problems in life and helps you focus on what is truly valuable.
Marcus Aurelius said:
‘Live each day as if it were the last day of your life. Then you will find a peace that will protect you from anger, anxiety or dissatisfaction.’
How Can You Practice Memento Mori?
Use Daily Reminders:
Place a note with the words ‘Memento Mori’ in the background of your phone or on your desk. These little reminders will help you remember the preciousness of life more often.
Review Your Priorities:
When you realise that life is fleeting, question what you spend your time on. Direct your precious time to things you find truly meaningful.
Savor Small Moments:
A simple walk, moments with your loved ones or a cup of coffee… Cherish these small moments.
- Liberate by Reducing Needs (Simple Living)
The Power of Scarcity
Modern life is based on the tendency to want and consume more and more. Stoicism, however, teaches that happiness and inner peace come from the simplicity of our needs, not from the abundance of what we have.
Seneca says:
‘Do not look for happiness outside; happiness is to be content with little.’
How Can You Adopt a Simple Life?
Reduce your material possessions:
Donate or sell items you don’t use. Simplifying your home and living space also provides mental lightness.
Reduce Your Mental Burdens:
Instead of constantly worrying or dwelling on past mistakes, focus your mind on the present moment.
This journey is not completed overnight; take small steps every day. Start each morning with a Stoic mindset, see the challenges you face during the day as learning opportunities, and continue to grow by evaluating yourself in the evening.
Remember, accepting what you cannot control, avoiding judgement, learning to be non-reactive and living a virtuous life will lead you to true freedom and happiness.
If this guide has added value to your life, feel free to share your thoughts. You can share this article with your loved ones to move forward together on the journey of inner peace!
